So Proud of Myself!!!

Another home project done. I was sitting here thinking "Man the carpet from Danica is going to sit in my poor garage forever and never get put downstairs." Wow was I wrong!!!! Mark took most of the stuff out of the bedroom area during the week before he went to bed in the morning. I figured since everything was out of there, it was a perfect time to paint. It looks so much better now! The walls don't look like they have years and years of gross on them. It also makes it brighter down in that area. The carpet helps too. The other stuff was this drab, dirty looking grey. I know it is a weird color..... and I wouldn't really want it in a main part of my house, but the maroon looks good! So now I will not be totally embarrassed when Marci comes because it doesn't look like complete crud! Just partially. :)

I know it doesn't look like much, but well it looks sooooo much better than it did. I really should have taken pictures of it before painting it. I was just so grossed out by the water from cleaning the walls that I didn't think of it. :) I love it when home projects get done without a fuss. And when it doesn't take 4 years to start and finish it. Those are the best kind. Now I need to find a color for my craft area and paint that. Boy that isn't going to be fun! There is so much crap piled up in that corner it is sick. Anyone want to come over and go through it and tell Mark to throw most of it away? That would be super helpful!

Good things will come to those......

So I have realized that good things will come to those who don't have to many huge mental breakdowns. :)
So most know that this year has been a struggle for Mark and I. His bonuses have been WAY smaller than normal. As most also know, those make up half of his income. So having those small seriously effects how we do during the year. Well after his second bonus this year, which was half of a normal one, before taxes...I started trying to find a job.....Hasn't done me a darned bit of good. I have applied for about 10 jobs on average a day since August, and it has gotten me 3 interviews. Pitiful. That has been soooooo stressful! So a couple weeks ago we decided that in order to servive until next bonus which is in Feb, we had to take out a loan on his 401K. Not ideal in the slightest.... but had no choice. So that sucked. Than before the paperwork could go through on the loan Mark totalled his car. Really....horrible horrible horrible. So I upped the amount for the loan to the max we could take out. Now figuring we wouldn't get more than a couple hundred dollars for his car, since it is almost 20 years old, and a total stripped down model, we weren't counting on that helping us get another car.
Now inbetween July (which was his last bonus) and now, I have had a few mental breaks because of stress. Really who can blame me. I cry a lot because of no one wanting to hire me.... not being able to get pregnant.... the list goes on.
On Saturday the check from the 401K loan came. I was happy about that.... sad that it was mostly spend on bills. Happy those bills were going to be paid though. Put that in the bank on Monday. Monday night Mark calls me from work. Tells me he has good news that he just found out. Ok so you all got Mark gets 2 bonuses a year and than every other year they get a third called the Windfall cash bonus. Of course this is not the year for that.... that would have been to helpful! So he calls, tells me he has good news. Said that the main office sent an email saying that because the bonuses were so bad this year they decided to do the findfall cash bonus every year instead of every other year, and that it will start tomorrow. Me being totally tired, and dense, don't understand this. So I ask, "what do you mean starting tomorrow?" He laughs at me and says, they will be putting it into the bank in the morning. Makes me happy. But I don't expect much either. Can't get excited when I have seen the other bonuses. He tells me not to expect more than a couple thousand. I checked this morning.... it was a bit more than we had crossed our fingers for. So I am pretty happy about that. Than this morning, I check my email and see that there is one from USAA concerning our claim. So I read it, and just about bulged my eyes out. It was a run down on the estimate of the car. So we rebuilt the engine a couple years ago now, have put about 36 thousand miles on it since. Almost to the day a month before, we put brand new tires on it, and did a total brake job. Sucks to have put $400 into it and have it totalled. Well the rebuild cost us about $800. Not such a big deal, since we got a lot of use from it. We are getting almsot everything back. The only reason we aren't is because of the $250 deductible. I was floored that we would get almost $1,100 for a 20 year old, stripped down, barebones model. But happy!
So I figured either, A) Good things come to those who don't have mental breakdowns and go insane from stress get good things or B) Good things come to those who have little mental breakdowns from the stress but don't go insane from it. I can't figure out which. :) Maybe now I can get pregnant. HA, wouldn't that be something. Not getting hopes up for that though.
So that is my story. Man am I tremendously greatful. Now I get to go car shopping tomorrow. Not so much looking forward to that one.

Can we say I'm REALLY BAD!!!

Well I guess we have all figured out that taking the time, and remembering to blog, is not my strong suit!!!!! I'm happy anymore that I can remember there is a computer in the house let alone how to use it!

There are babies popping up all around me! My neighbor had hers about a month ago (a boy). One of my sisters had hers a couple weeks ago (a boy). My oldest sister is due soon... and guess what A boy. My sister in law is pregnant, my husbands bestfriends wifes daughter is pregnant. HA say that one three times fast. There were two others too, but I can't think of them at the moment. So what I would like to know, WHEN IS IT MY TURN????? Now don't get me wrong. It isn't that I hate people getting pregnant just because I am having a hard time. I am very happy for everyone who is pregnant. I am most happy for Carlene right now, because she understood what it was like getting frustrated because of no results.

So I have started a new project... yeah I know like I don't have enough. I was looking around the house and decided, it was more than time to paint the trim and the doors. Why you might ask? Because they are GROSS! Not only are they a dirty tan color, they just haven't been taken care of. So of course because it is something I wanted to do it is going to be a complete pain in the butt. Now I can't take off trim, because it is on there so well and tight, that taking it off destroys it. So I have to do all the trim in the house. I do get to take off the doors, and the cupboard doors and drawers and sand those outside. So that is good. To make matters worse, the last time they were painted, and I am pretty sure all the times they were painted, the paint was oil based Gloss. So I have to sand down the the last paint level, and ruff it up enough to where it isn't glossy anymore, in order to paint it and actually have it stick. Because let me tell you, NOTHING likes to stick to oil based gloss paint!!!!!! So be happy for me. I just got done painting the hallway cupboard door the other day. Now I am just waiting for it to completely dry and not be sticky before I can put it back on. Whomever painted last also decided A) not to even bother taking off the doors to paint and B) that they were just going to just not let the hinges get in the way and do a really bad paint job over them. Now the bad thing about that. They are SOLID BRASS. Not the new brass, which is lighter in color, and not solid. This stuff is the real thing! And they just paint over it!!!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? I also can't do some of the doors until after summer. There would be no point in doing them with Jacob here, because they would just get ruined, or destroyed out of anger.

So that is my big honken plans. Aren't they so exciting. It is pretty sad that the biggest thing I am looking forward to is sanding, painting, and a new Rice cooker/ Food steamer. What a thrill huh?

I am not at all looking forward to summer. Jacob is of course getting worse. He now has Vandalism on his school record. His teacher next year is going to hate him before he even get in there. Tammy (the ex, and mother) finally signed him up to be placed in a special ed class next year. We will see how that goes. Mark said, that if things keep going like they have been that he is going to do everything in his power to get her to fork him over so he can actually get the help he needs and the discipline. Not looking forward to that either. But what can one do. I am so stressed out by that kid. Last weekend I was told by him that I am the most evil person, and that the world would be better off if I would just die! This is what I get thrown at me EVERYDAY by him.

Anyway, I gotta run. Gotta gather tools together for dad coming over tomorrow and all that fun stuff. Than I gotta start sanding the door I took off last night. WOOHOO.

Another year

Wow, I can't believe it is another year, and the first month is half way over. Where is the time going? I got horrible at making entry's here, not a surprise.

Mark and I have done some stuff to the house. We put in a new front door and door to the alley. The new front door is sooooo cool. It has a square window on top. He wants to paint it red again. It is so much lighter than the old one. Which was the original 1941 door. We got that sucker out and just about crushed me. I couldn't believe how heavy it was. It shouldn't have surprised me after taking the original garage door off. That was horrible. The new door doesn't slam like the old one. Which is great when you have children who don't know how to close a door gently.

Mark made me some pedestals for my washer and dryer. So instead of spending $200 dollars we spent less than $50 for all the wood and screws. It is so much nicer not to have to kneel down to move my laundry.

Christmas was a disaster! The weather was horrible! The child, we won't even go there! Mark fell on Christmas day and landed on his back on the porch steps outside. The very next morning I did the same thing. I realized it was happening so I tucked myself in so I wouldn't hit my back. I just bounced down the stairs on my bum. Still have some of the bruise left. The bone is still pretty bruised. It is amazing how long it takes for a bruised bone to heal. Needless to say, I have had it with winter and don't want anymore snow, ice, freezing rain, or anything like that. I got real tired of not being able to get out of Salem. The I-5 highway was just a mess and they didn't do anything about it until Christmas day. Thanks a lot!!! We got around Salem fine for the most part, but it was rough driving and wasn't very fun.

I made a turkey dinner 2 weeks ago. I got a turkey at Thanksgiving time to save for later. So we invited Marks best friend and wife over. That will be the last time I ever let Mark pick out a turkey. I ended up with a 26 pound bird! No only does it barely fit in the oven, you can't move it after it is cooked. So I put it in the oven, and seared the skin. Mark has this thing about having to cook them upside down. So after the half hour searing, I took it out and we flipped it over. Than put it back in to cook. So when it was done, we tried turning it back over to cut, and it just fell apart. It also take forever to thaw out! The other disaster of that day was the "stuffing". On Saturday, the day before the dinner, I took out the recipes that I would be needing so I didn't have to scrounge them up Sunday morning. I looked at all the recipes to make sure that I had everything for them. I was good to go. So half way through the turkey, I start making stuff. I get the potatoes going, and get the stuffing made and cooking. All that good stuff. So when my timer goes off for the "stuffing", I open the lid of my electric oven and look at it. I was so perplexed! I asked Mark what I had done wrong, and why it didn't look like my mothers, not even the same color. So he's asking if my mother stirs it up or anything while it is cooking. Which heck if I knew. Oh so low and behold, I didn't make stuffing, I had made cornbread!!!!! How in the world after looking at that recipe all day, and the day before, and reading the ingredients, which why would you put cornmeal into stuffing, did I end up making cornbread instead? I can't even begin to know why. I don't have a clue. It was soooo embarrassing though. I couldn't believe I had done that. What a geek.

Coming upon the end

So it has been a while. I haven't had good things to say so I decided saying nothing was better. This summer has been real freaken crappy! As bad as it sounds to me, I really cannot wait until summer is over and kids go back to school. This summer has taught me that my struggles are going to be here the rest of my life. No matter if I get help or not, I am going to be struggling the rest of my days. That is a horribly depressing thought! I am tired of inner termoil. I am tired of fighting not to do what will temperarily help me.

I bought a new gun a few weeks ago. It is a Glock 27, most of you won't really care but I love it. Brandon was nice enough to take me to the range on Saturday so I could test it out. I love it so much more than my Smith and wesson. It doesn't hurt to use it which is good. The smith and wesson is just painful to shoot after ten rounds.

I finally finished working on dads car. Now it doesn't make any horrible noises and doesn't sound like it is going to fall apart while driving it. I am still healing from the last time though. I will have some nice scares from it :) Changing two axles, two wheel bearings and breaks is a mighty big task. But it was well worth it. I am glad he is happy with the work.

Tired and worn out

All the joys of life have left me ragged and worn. Sometimes I wonder why I make an effort with anything when it just gets over looked or completely ignored. Non the less, I can't stop myself from making the effort. It is stressful, hurtful and quite frankly rather depressing. Maybe that is why for the last two weeks I have been on edge and very depressed. A depressed that doesn't seem to be going away. At a moments notice I just want to break down and cry. One of those good cries where you think it is going to make you feel so much better, where you cry till you can't anymore, but it doesn't work. I just cry and all it does is make my nose stuffy, eyes puffy and gives me a headache. I wonder if the Clomid I am taking to try to get pregnant is making my anti-depressants not work and making it harder to deal with life in general. I do believe I need a shrink, along with others that won't do it, I just need to find out if my insurance will cover it. If not I guess I am pretty much left with crying the cry that doesn't make me feel better and working it out myself. Since the working it out myself doesn't seem to be working I guess I will just try to wait for a cry that will make me feel better. I really do not like feeling this way. I really don't like feeling the way some of the things others do to me makes me feel. What is a girl to do? Not much of anything.

Since I didn't get a Happy Aniversary, much less anything else, nor a Happy Mothers day, again let alone anything else, I decided for my birthday I was going to spoil myself. I bought a Nintendo DS. I got those Brain Age games. Oh man they are so fun. The second one is so much harder than the first, but it is very challenging and make you really work your brain. I also got My French coach. Great for refreshing on french. Has fun games and lessons on it. Got the old style (classic) Super Mario Brothers. Man I love that game. And Donkey Kong. I am going to have to make mom do the brain age game. I think she would like it and hate it all at the same time. Oh yeah I also bought myself a new bookshelf. Now I have four that form a wall for the basement room :) Great way to do it huh!!! Now I just have to yet again rearrange all my books to satisfy my OCD!!! Never going to work I tell you, never. A while ago I got one of those embossers for books with this book belongs to the library of blah blah blah. I have done about half of my books now I just need to do the rest and put them all in order and all that fun stuff. I guess I should start on that tomorrow before it really bugs me more. If that is at all possible.

Pictures from trip

This is Bruce the Moose, isn't he just so cute!

This is a sign in Downtown Anchorage, I thought it was cool it has a ton of different places on it and tells you how far away and which direction they are in. This is just one side of it.

This is a picture of the mountains off the back of the boat we were on for our cruise. Beautiful!

This sign just killed me... well all these signs. They are everywhere! I can just see someone looking at the mountains while they are driving along and seeing an avalanche and having to stop because it is so cool and they want to watch it. So I thought it was funny that they have to put up signs for people not to do it. From what I heard, it doesn't make them any less stupid and they still stop. There are a few deaths a year because of it.

Marci, Elijah (Marci's son) and I before boarding our pretty boat to go on the cruise.

Ft. Richardson and Elmendorf Air Force Base from up on Artic Valley. Isn't it great!

Elijah loved that killer whale. He really wanted to see one on our cruise.

This is one of two Bald Eagles that the Air Force base has taken in. This one doesn't have one of it's wings. They found them both on base and took them in. I don't remember what is wrong with the other one.